Am I Abusive?

The abuser is the person trying to impose the most control over the other in the relationship. If you have an overwhelming need to have power over or control your partner, you may be abusive.

If you are unsure, try taking the following quiz. Keep track of your responses.


  1. Tell your partner who they can talk to or hang out with?
  2. Call your partner names, criticize them, or embarrass them in front of others?
  3. Force your partner into doing something they don't want to do? 
  4. Make your partner feel guilty if they don't do what you want them to do?   
  5. Interfere with your partners work, or school work?
  6. Prevent your partner from seeing their friends and family?   
  7. Follow your partner when they are not with you?  
  8. Are overly jealous?  
  9. Check up on your partner a lot: listen in on their phone calls, frequently ask where they have been, call frequently to check up on them, or check the mileage on their car?  
  10. Blame your partner for everything?  
  11. Say that your partner's concerns and fears are not real or not important?  
  12. Prevent your partner from leaving by blocking the doorway or holding on to them?  
  13. Push, hit, or shove your partner?  
  14. Have an explosive temper?
  15. Threaten to hurt or kill yourself if your partner leaves you? 
  16. Force your partner to have sex when they don't really want to?   
  17. Damage or destroy your partner's possessions?  
  18. Threaten to harm partner, their family, friends or pets?   
  19. Damage your partners home or belongings, throw or break things?
  20. Do things that make your partner seem scared?   
  21. Force your partner to use drugs including alcohol?   
  22. Threaten to expose partner's "secrets" share pictures or other private information about them?
  23. Force your partner to use drugs including alcohol?
  24. Threaten partner if they should tell anyone about the abuse?  
  25. Insist that they are flirting or are involved with someone else even though they deny it?  

If you’ve answered yes to any of the above or a number of them, these are a list of abusive behaviors. For each that you said Yes to, ask yourself why you do that. If you do these things and want help to correct them, please give us a call.

Only you are responsible for your actions, even if you’re blaming your boy/girl friend. It’s wrong to abuse, manipulate and control another person, especially someone you claim to care about or love. Please call us to get suggestions – there is help & hope for you to stop these behaviors and learn to love without the need to control. Don't let shame or fear stop you. There are people who can help you deal with your abusive behavior.

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