Teen Dating Violence Info for Friends & Family
What to Do if a Friend is Experiencing Dating Violence:
- Remind your friend that this is not his/her fault. Avoid blaming your friend for being in this situation.
- Avoid telling your friend that he/she has to leave the relationship. Your friend may be afraid of being harmed if he or she leaves the relationship. Abusers try very hard to maintain power and control over their victims, so your friend may feel powerless to leave.
- Be there for your friend and be patient. You may not agree with your friend’s choices, but keep letting your friend know you are concerned and keep supporting your friend in making her/his own decisions.
- Encourage your friend to get adult help. Offer to go with your friend to seek help.
- Help your friend plan ways to stay safe at home, school, and in community settings.
- Contact our crisis line at 937-498-7261 for more information on how you can support your friend.
See Also Information For Friends & Family
How to Help if you Suspect a Friend is Being Abusive:
- If you feel you are not in danger, talk to the person about his or her use of violence, calmly without threat or accusation.
- Make sure that the person understands that it is both wrong and illegal.
- Offer to help him or her to get help to stop their abusive behaviors.
If You Are Hurting Someone Else, Have The Courage To Get Help!
A person does not abuse others because they love them. A person should not control the way someone acts, by limiting the people that a boyfriend or girlfriend talks to. This is not flattering , it is actually just a way to manipulate and control . A person does not abuse others because they love them. A person should not control the way someone acts, by limiting the people that a boyfriend or girlfriend talks to. This is not flattering , it is actually just a way to manipulate and control . To control the way someone feels is also abuse. To make them feel bad about themselves to make them feel more dependent on you is abuse. To control the way someone thinks is also abuse. Often a person who abuses tries to blame the abuse on the victim and tries to make the victim think that the abuse is his or her fault. Making the victim feel responsible for the partner’s harmful actions is being manipulative. Sometimes people abuse to make the victim feel sorry for them. They want the victim to think he or she is needed to save or help their partner. If the victim feels sorry for his or her girlfriend or boyfriend or feels a need to help him or her, then the victim will be less likely to leave the relationship. When an abusive person makes a boyfriend or girlfriend feel like he or she has to stay in the relationship it’s controlling and manipulative. Take the time and ask yourself if you are being abusive in your relationship. The desire to control and manipulate the way a girlfriend or boyfriend acts, feels, and thinks is a common reason for abuse. Here is a list of some other reasons for abuse if you can make a connection with any of these examples then you may be an abuser and may need to seek help.
List of other reasons why people abuse:
- because expectations and feelings of insecurity make them think they need power over others
- because they have learned that they can get what they want by abusing
- because they do not know other nonviolent ways of responding to anger, frustration, or conflict
- because they have underdeveloped communication skills, which cause anger, resentment, and frustration to buildup
- because they are using alcohol or other illicit drugs, which sometimes causes people to become abusive or to do things they’s otherwise never do (such as commit date rape) No matter what the other person does to provoke you, no matter how justified you feel, no matter what your friends do, it is never okay to harm someone else. Remember that physical and sexual violence are illegal and can land you in jail.
None of these things justify being abusive to someone who you claim to love/care for. You have the opportunity to change your behavior now and learn to truly love without abuse.